Saturday, June 13, 2009


As i have not updated this space for quite sometime now, i thought i would link this with another related blog of mine which has similar nonsensical (if not more) stuff.

Notice: Further updates to mathevettica will be in this blog.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Spot The Gilma Contest.







Hello Fellow Gilmas,
In spirit of the superb previous post by POG (Peak Of Gilma) Ramkumar, we introduce this spot the gilma contest for our viewers. The contest is really simple. You just need to find out if a person is a gilma or not just by looking at the picture and giving a suitable explanation.

Some useful theorems/axioms/conjectures on gilma finding:

(i) Gilmas on contrary to the popular misconception never roam about 'single'. They are either double , triple, fourple, fiveple or in extreme cases even more.

(ii) Gilmas are the only group surviving on planet earth who will follow themselves on twitter.

(iii) When Gilmas are in a big group, and a girl comes and talks (corner case) to one gilma , all other gilmas become dead silent and serious.

(iv) Gilmas visit only PVR/Inox.

(v) Every gilma's orkut profile is free of photo blocking, tagging privacy, scrapbook locks and all other privacy related stuff.

(vi) Gilmas can be identified be keeping a stationary object at the beginning of Brigade road and counting the number of times they cross it in one hour's time on a saturday evening. For a gilma, this number is pretty high (around 5-6)

(vii) Gilmas are good at giving advice to people. But at the end of the advice, they normally finish it with a mokka joke relating to girls.

(viii) Gilmas check their own scrapbook atleast 801 times a day.

(ix) Gilmas visit profiles of unknown girls (without scrapping) who the next day visit their profiles. The day after next gilmas visit back the girl's profile and this cycle continues for around 6-7 days. Then everything rests in peace.

(xi) Most gilmas are in some 'matrimonial' community or a registered matrimonial site user.

(x) Technical gilmas write php scripts to automatically find out if somebody new got added into the community they are 'targetting'

(xi) Age is not a gilma-decider. A perfect example of a little gilma ( ). (Courtesy: Ramkumar's post in the community)

(xi) Finally,Gilmas are all around. Just keep your eyes open and you'll run into one.

Ok, we don't need to stop with such a small list. If you have further points, list them in the comments section.

Now to the Spot the Gilma contest. In the following picture, you need to figure out the gilmas.
And then give an explanation of why you thought so. (put them in the comments section)

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The Ultimate Survival Kit. for Gilmas







Hello Fellow Gilmas,

The following is an amazing paper by POG(Peak of Gilma) Ramkumar. We are pleased to grab the first copy of it and present it in the pure (unedited form) here. Due to the wonderful idea behind this paper, we will consider this as defense of Ramkumar for his Masters in Gilma Research (MGR). Also we are happy to announce that he has agreed to do his PhD in Gilmalogy.

Before we start, we also give a feeler that the next paper will be written by Raman on 'Optimisation of life using Lagrange multipliers'

No more waiting.... here is the best paper award winner for 2009!!!!

Category : Good time management practices for efficient mollamaarithanam

Guidelines to identifty whether a girl is figure or not in Orkut.


Often, we come across a girl's profile in orkut or any other social networking site and wonder if she is a figure or not. The answer is obvious if she has put her photo but that does not happen in most cases. So, many gilmas endup sending her a friend request , start chatting and discover very late that she is not. This is a terrible loss of productivity and manhours that could have very well been spent on other girls who are potential figures. It can be easily seen that this can be avoided only if the gilma had been able to identify whether the girl is a figure or not. So this paper presents methods to solve this problem.


The "relationship status" field of the girl should be "single". There is no point even if the field is left empty.

Preliminary filtering:

Use this method if you have a large number of profiles in hand and you want to filter them into a smaller set so as to better focus your energies on that small set.

1) Reject if the profile picture is that of a baby. Sometimes the girl posts her own baby picture which might be cute, but dont be fooled.

2) Reject if the profile picture has flowers or of actresses.

3) Reject if the profile picture shows only the eyes of girl or any posture which hides her full face.

4) Reject completely if the profile picture is that of Emma Watson (hermione granger in Harry Potter Movie). This rule applies to small sets as well. Even though no logical explanation has been offered for this so far, statistical data reveals that any girl with a picture of emma watson will not be a figure with probability of 0.99.

5) If the profile pic shows a group of people where alteast one of them is not a figure, she is that one. So reject.

6) Reject if the "about me" section of the profile says "Be my friend to know more about me".

Profile classification techniques:

The following methods apply to a smaller set of profiles and takes relatively longer time to classify the profile. This has a score based approach where the readers are asked to compute the score of the profile based on the following rules. The profile is concluded to be that of a figure if the total score exceeds a certain threshold (say 35).

1) For rules 1 & 2, her scrapbook has to be readable by public. +3 score for every scrap in the last 50 scraps in her scrapbook which reads "Hi, didnt u study in X college (or working in Y company)", "Hi, do you want to be my friend" or "Why didnt u come to college ( or office)", "I heard u were sick. Are u better". Note, these scraps would have to be from guys only.

2) For every scrap from a guy which looks like the beginning of a conversation, see who started the conversation (based on timestamp of the scraps). +3 if the guy did it , -3 if the girl did it.

3) +5 for every testimonial written by another guy. -5 if the testimonial says "she is like my sister".

4) Rate of increase of number of friends in her friends list. (Difference between the number of friends on Day1 & Day15 / Number of frnds of Day1 ). Here, the readers may argue that the girl might have been sending out friend requests to a lot of guys. But if that was the case, her profile would have been rejected in preliminary filtering itself. Also, the ratio (rate of increase) is used instead of the acutal increase to deal with both the following scenarios

a) Some figs like to see the number of ppl in their frnds list go up since they see it as a matter of prestige. So they will accept most requests. In this case the increase in a given time will be high.
b) Some figs do not accept frnd requests from strangers.These people will have a relatively lower number of people in their list and the rate of increase will also be slow.

Hence, taking the ratio gives equal weight to both the cases.

5) +5 if her friends are hot. Even if she did not turn out to be a figure, her contact might pay good benefits later on.

6) -4 if the girl had been found playing games such "best thing about the profile above", "+2 for girls -2 for boys"...etc. in any of the communities.


The solutions presented here are merely guidelines based on a number of observations and has been found to work around 85% of the time. Note, there will always be certain exceptions.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Gilma Equilibirium

Hello Fellow Gilmas,

We did not get much time but still we somehow managed to catch hold of the ever-busy POG(Peak of Gilma) Ramkumar K S in an exclusive interview to Gilma-Lectures inc. As Ramkumar K S was busily leaving to the Annual Bangalore-Gilma-Meet (BGM), we could ask him only one question on his current breakthrough research in gilmalogy. And RKS explains his current research findings in an elegant way that will for sure bring a drop of tear filled with joy to every gilma who reads it.

Here it is!


Can you explain the new GETHU theorem that you have developed (GETHU - Gilma's Equilibrium Theorem for HUman beings )


"Gilma, as a society maintains an equilibrium of its own. When this equilibrium is affected, the forces within that society will act to bring the state back to equilibrium"

This law can be better understood by observing a glass of water. Water level at the surface always remains equal. When this state is disturbed by shaking the glass, some molecules gain kinetic energy which causes them to rise above the surface. But the cohesive force from other molecules (along with gravity), pulls these molecules down to main the level of water at the surface.

Similarly, if a gilma G disturbs the equilibrim of his society by putting kadalai (1) to girl either through internet,phone or in person, the other gilmas in his group exert force by constantly saying things like "dei.kadala elaam podara..kalakara po" (2) and also sometimes by sending friend requests to the new girl. Since it is already proved that sound travels faster through gilmas than through normal people, other gilmas also hear the news and exert force on G. Eventually, this force gains momentum with time and becomes greater than that force using which G had put kadalai(1) in the first place. In the end G gives up and thus, the state of equilibrium in the society is maintained.

(1) Kadalai - A form of disease that non-gilmas acquire whereby non-gilma guys/girls are found constantly chatting useless things with other non-gilma girls/guys

(2) 'Dei Kadala elaam podata..kalakara po' - A statement that supposedly praises (and at the same time irritates) a person for following the process of kadalai , the definition of which is found in (1)

Friday, November 28, 2008

Positively Definite Gilmas

Hello Fellow Gilmas,

Though all of us know that we are Gilmas by birth, we find it sometime difficult to characterize a randomly sampled human being as a gilma or non-gilma. This is of course a binary classification problem that involves a parameter Gil that we need to estimate.

But before going too far into gilmaness and the classification problem, let us try to understand some fundamental facts about gilma.

As we all have observed in ourselves and among fellow gilmas, the following two things hold true always

Observation 1: When two gilmas meet, they invariably talk about 'gilmaism' !
Observation 2: However constant pressure you apply to a gilma, he will never become a non-gilma (and hence will stay as a gilma).

Surprise Surprise!!!

These are fundamental statements that we have made to define something called as 'Gilma Space' !!

Gilma Space

Formally, we have the following

Given a Gilma Space Gil , if g1,g2 are two gilmas belonging to Gil, then
g1 + g2 is also gilma (Direct from Observation 1).

Given a Gilma Space Gil, if g1 is a gilma , then any 'constant' pressure applied to this gilma will again result in a gilma

i.e c * g1 also belongs to Gil.

Thus we can arrive at the following conclusion.

"Any linear combination of Gilmas is again a Gilma" (Gheorem 1)

(This result was established by Gilmananda in the celeberated paper 'On Jipis, Japoosis and Gilmas - A rigorous formulation of gilmaism' )

Zero Gilmas

Whenever a Gilma is born in this world, he has no knowledge of anything or anybody. Yet he is a gilma. Such Gilma's are called Zero Gilmas.

Positive Definite Gilmas

This is the killer!!

This is a hugely successful test to figure out if a random guy/girl is positively and definitely a gilma or not.

Before defining it formally, let us look at the intuition.

Assume a non-gilma (note again, non-gilma) is suddenly left inbetween a group of gilmas. It is bleeding obvious that the non-gilma will be irritated like anything until he/she becomes totally down. Sometimes the non-gilma will develop a lot of negative feelings that he/she might try to jump like a monkey. (Such scenarios are commonly found to occur in non-gilmas with more than one girl/boy friends though no rigorous proof is arrived yet. In other words, it is a open gilma problem! )

Converting the above intuition into mathematics, we have the formulation as gelow..i mean..below.

Let us consider a set of n^2 gilmas. Let us name them as G(i,j) where i , j range from 1 to n. Now if we define a n*n matrix M such that each gilma G(i,j) goes and sits in position (i,j) and starts to irritate a non-gilma Z, then Z develops negative feelings and so

Z(t) * M * Z < 0 (negative)
[ Here Z(t) indicates transpose of Z i.e non-gilma Z tries to sit in a different pose but still fails]

Whereas if we allow a gilma to be Z, then we are sure that gilma Z will NOT be irritated by the conversation. On the contrary his gilma co-efficient will grow tremendously that he will be filled with positive energy.

In Mathematical terms,

Z(t) * M * Z > 0 (positive).

Thus if the value of Z(t) * M * Z is positive, then we have a definite gilma!!

This is the 'Positive Definite Gilma' test.

This had proved tremondously successful in many undergraduate colleges. We request fellow gilmas to try it out and let us know the results.



We have left out the case when Z(t) * M * Z is 0 because the author currently has no sufficiently silly explanation for it !


Wednesday, November 26, 2008


Hello Fellow Gilmas,

We need to take a quick deviation from our mathematical theory here. Nonetheless, the exercise below will prove to the world that gilma's are not only mathemental but also mental in other fields of science and technology.

We present two gilma-contributions from well renowned gilmas. SunSuren as they are called in the gilma community , Sundaresan Venkatasubramanian and Surendran have carved themselves a beautiful place in the gilma hall of fame as "twin-gilmas" . They are not twins in any manner. One is short, the other is fat. One is from metropolitan while the other is from a unknown village. And with innumerable other differences among themselves, there is one single thing that ties them together. That is nothing but gilma. We are happy to present some tit-bits that they would like to share with us here.(though some points are debatable)

Here we go.


From:Sundaresan V

Unit of gilmaness - gilm, milli gilm, kilo gilm

Gilma is also known as "Jilpee" among girls
Correspondingly jilp, milli jilp, kilo jilp

Physical measures of gilma - gilmosity, gilmivity,

Study of gilma is broadly classified as
gilmology, gilmicology, gilmo-entology, jilpology, jilpicology

Father of gilma - Jala-bula-jangs


From: Surendran

Gilma Astrology: (for guys)

>>> One elder sister and one younger brother 100% gilma
(me,arun,ramkumar,srini,subbu etc)

>>> In a family if there are two brothers then one will be nongilma and other will be 200% gilma (guru,raman,subash,singarakannan )

>>> One elder brother and one elder sister 500% gilma (sankar raman)

>>> Two elder sister and a younger brother, he is God of gilma ( saravanan )


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Call for papers

Hello Fellow Gilmas,

Gilmaism has been a mystery to a lot of people. Everybody who hears the word for the first time acquires a wierd looking smile on his face for unknown reasons. Why does this happen? Is there a fibonocci spiral somewhere hidden inside the syllables of gilma that give it a strange sound? Is there a prime number pattern that gilma's follow. Below we present the call for paper invitation of Raman's Gilma Research Labs (RGI) on various cutting-edge research topics followed by the celebrated gilma_analysis paper's overview written by the reverend Raman himself.

We shall discuss further details about Raman S in the lecture series that would be published shortly. Here we don't waste any more time and present you the material coming right from RGRL.


Papers invited under the following Categories for first edition of Gilma-Lectures:

1. Gilma Analysis
Here researchers analyse the core theory behind the Gilmas which have been an undefined topic so far due to the complexity it assumes. Here we search for the ground truth behind them, and analyse what feature that they have are having direct implication on their behavior and life. For eg, Is it their hairstyle, way of speaking, looks, etc which make them a Gilma. This will help designing efficient algorithms which correct the relevant features.

2. Gilma Dynamics
This concerns with the interaction that Gilmas have with the outer world, and the insults they get, and their responses. We need a concrete model to study the dynamics, which will enable us to predict upto certain extent what will happen if a Gilma approaches a girl/guy.

3. Gilma Algorithms
Everyone knows that converting a Gilma into a non Gilma is an NP Complete problem. Here we discuss various approximation, probabilistic, hueristic algorithms which will enable te Gilma to find their nearest guy/girl, however attu he/she might be. This also includes algorithms the other way, to successfully transform a Non-Gilma into a Gilma. Every algorithm published should be tested sufficiently on strictly human samples. And authors are requested to share their test samples so that other people can also do the testing on the same samples.

The difficulty in representing bangalore Gilmas
Raman, Arun, Dinesh

Gilmas[1] have always been a distinct set of their own. Though everyone has a Gilma within, it all depends on the coefficient of Gilma, which measures the extent to which he is part of Gilma. The first step with Gilma programming should involve declaring the gilma variables. The problem here is to find out, whether to declare as Boolean, Short, Int, Float, Long or any other type ? The natural answer of "Declare in any way u like" wont really represent Gilmas. We present a hypothetical reasoning for using Long Long as the data type, which can be the first step in doing large programs with Gilmas.


Without loss of generality, we are restricting the space of search, and using Bangalore as test bed. Bangalore is selected since it has enough examples of Gilma and Non-Gilmas. By observation we see that Gilmas are interacting with each other as a sub group, and Non-Gilmas in a separate group. So, If one Gilma approaches a Single Bangalore Girl, that is more easily corrected by a Non-Gilma guy, which makes it almost impossible for the Gilma to pursue his aspirations. This observation means that the Male Single bangalore(MSB) and Lady Single Bangalore(LSB) are as much separated as possible.


Hence we propose to declare the Gilma as Long Long, which is very wide, meaning that it separates the MSB and LSB as much as possible. This facilitates in accurately representing Gilma, which can be used in further alogorithms. In Future, we also research in a better representation of Gilmas.


[1] Arun, et, al.
[2] Arun, et, al.